November 10, 2007

Who Matters More?

Kung ‘di ako dumating, kasama mo pa siguro sila ngayon.

It’s undeniably a heartbreaking feeling to know that in gaining one, you need to lose another.

Just because you can’t hold them both, or rather they do not want to be kept both at the same time, you have to let go of one. No matter how clenched those fists are, learn to loosen them up, for an act of unselfishness somehow.

For that someone the slackened hand once held:

In some things though, choosing is not an option. You can hold them both, if and only if you know you can and they are willing to be held.

I know within me, I can keep you, I can keep us. I am more than happy if we had stayed the way we were. Too bad, I didn’t get that same feeling from you. You don’t want me there, and I don’t want to screw myself from where you are just because that’s what makes me happy. I’m sensitive enough to know it wouldn’t make you happy being with me.

I cannot remember anything for you to incite me; I thought we were fine all this time but how numb of me not to feel a war inside of you. And the moment I felt it, I was nothing but frozen, except this hand that little by little had become tired of holding on too long for an eager escapee. I can say I was not the one who let go, because you provoked me to.

For that someone I chose to hold:

Never blame yourself for what was lost. It was someone else’s decision to draw away. Our minds are made up for us, the decision we make, we make because that’s what we think is right. In other’s case, that’s what they think was right, and so they did. Though sometimes you cannot shun the fact that what’s right for them is sad for you.

Maybe you were right; we can still be altogether if you didn’t come. But now, I want to believe that people who want to stay will stay and fulfill their oath of not leaving.

I guess that’s the bonus I got on having you; a fulfillment of a promise to stay.

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