June 8, 2009

Forever's not as long as it used to be...

Our forever and ever and ever and ever... and ever just ended.
May 14, he put a period to our almost 2 years relationship. But I don't know why I'm still hoping it's not yet the end...

***

He came to one of the saddest point in my life - recovering from my first broken heart. He never failed to put a smile in my face. He patiently waited, knowing it's hard for me to trust and love again after all. It's not hard to love a man like him. He is not perfect but he was enough to make me believe again.

We were fine. We seemed to be fine. They thought we were fine.

I promised myself not to let go of this person and that I'll do whatever it takes to keep us. I became the exact opposite of who I was as a girlfriend with the previous relationship. I was more expressive and 'showy' this time.I thought doing so would give me an escape from the same fate suffered by the first one.

With this, each night I ask myself what have I done, what have I not done, what happened along the way, why did he suddenly lost the feeling that wasonce so strong?

I'm trying my hardest until this moment to accept everything. We once promised to only let go only if one already asked to, and he did ask for it... and so I have to keep my promise. This would make him happy, I should be happy. But it was not as easy as saying these words.

It's hard because I didn't just lose a boyfriend, it was like I lost my everything. I guess my only mistake which is the same reason this break-up is killing me now is that I allowed my world to revolve around him...

He was not just my 'term', he was my bestfriend as well. He's my confidante, my brother, my joker, my textmate, my angel, my knight in shining armour, my playmate, my movie date, my nurse, my morning, my night, my everything...

Along his goodbye were vanished promises I should'nt be holding on to anymore.

P.S. Last year of this same day, I calebrated my 18th birthday in the province with him. First time I cried in front of my parents (as a teenager, of course). I'm still deeply sorry for having this relationship in shadow.

I miss you and I still love you.

2 comments:

  1. :) :) :)
    Glad you are coping up very toughly. ♥♥♥. Just like your first one, you'll get through this. :)

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  2. going through a break-up is really hard... stay strong sis.. you'll get through it..
    someday, when you find the right person, you'll realize why this previous relationship didn't work out...

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